Early Retirement?

I frequently work with spouses who plan to retire at significantly different times.  In some cases, this difference can be as much as 5 to 10 years apart, or even longer. The age difference between the spouses is one of the most common reasons for this decision.

The work environment is another factor. In some physically demanding fields, such as medicine, not everyone is able to work until the "full" retirement age of 65 or 67. Issues such as covering expenses, Social Security planning, and health insurance before both spouses retire require specific attention during the gap years. 

But I didn’t want to focus on the financial side in this newsletter.

I’ve noticed that several of our clients who retired at significantly different ages are simply not as happy as they thought they would be.  Finances are always personal. I frequently find myself in situations where a financial review takes an entirely different turn and becomes rather personal in nature.

I recently had a meeting with some of our long-term clients. As a brief summary, the wife retired last year due to a chronic but not life-threatening health condition. The husband wanted to continue working for a while, and his employer allowed him to work from his home office several days a week.

After several months of this new arrangement, they realized it wasn’t working well for them. They even volunteered to share some details with me, which I hope will be helpful to others who are contemplating retiring several years apart.

1.) “Too much togetherness”

As strange as it may sound, many working couples with healthy marriages don’t see each other much. This is particularly true for high-involvement fields such as law, healthcare, or consulting. If you stop and think about it, you may realize that you only see your spouse for a few hours a day and on weekends.

In retirement, the time you spend with your spouse changes dramatically.

This is certainly a good thing, but I encourage you to think about it more and have an open conversation with your spouse about what this will entail.

2.) Feeling of unfairness 

When one spouse continues to work full-time for an extended period and the other begins to enjoy the fruits of their joint labor, it may create a creeping feeling of unfairness. Sure, you might have a plan to afford this lifestyle, and it was your spouse’s choice to continue working. Perhaps they even enjoy their professional life. But over time, this dynamic can change, and if left unaddressed, it can cause issues.

3.) Feeling of disconnect

Professional networks are an important source of social connection for many people. Unfortunately, it’s challenging for retirees to maintain these networks.  Many people’s circles of close friends are relatively small, and you may not realize this until you actually retire.

If one spouse continues to live a vibrant professional life while the other slows down to focus on more leisurely activities, this can create a sense of disconnect between them. Over time, and in conjunction with the points mentioned earlier, this disconnect can lead to serious issues. 

The number of “gray” divorces continues to rise and the realization that couples no longer share common interests is one of the main reasons.

What does this mean for you?

Each situation is different, and I wouldn’t be surprised if your experience is entirely different from what I’ve described in this newsletter. If you plan to retire 5 or even 10 years sooner than your spouse, please take the time to discuss how it will impact your lifestyle and, yes, your marriage.

If possible, try to spend more time together to ensure there’s no disconnect between the two of you and your ultimate goals.  One possibility is for the working spouse to transition to part-time work if your situation allows for it.

For many couples, the idea of traveling the world together in retirement is a top priority. Taking more or longer vacations now could also help solve potential issues.

Do you have any shared hobbies? Maybe pickleball or simply taking long walks multiple times a week is one way to spend more time together during the gap years.

Most importantly, have open conversations. If something feels off, bring it up - ideally before making the decision to retire at different times!